I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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