i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
