i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize