tell your sister to shave her snatch
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
