pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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