READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize