I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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