..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize