theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
