So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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