I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
