I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
