hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize