Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
