Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
