Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
