I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
