she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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