Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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