As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
