Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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