my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
