Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
