Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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