and you said cock pushups were impossible
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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