Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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