Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize