Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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