i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
