the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize