Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
