how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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