turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I need moral support for this bender
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
