I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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