i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
