It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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