All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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