god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
