We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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