It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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