why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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