the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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