am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
