i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
