so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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