It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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