So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
