"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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