Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
