Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
