therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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