You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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