I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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