Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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