Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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