I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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