Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
