eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm too high and old for this...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
