Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
