Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
