How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize