I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
