The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
